Folgers Christmas 2009

Ok, so this next commercial isn't just horribly corny, but also pretty darn creepy. It's a Christmas commercial from 2009 brought to you by the fine coffee company, Folgers.

So did you catch it? Yes, there was a very heart-warming feel in the commercial, but there's just something. Let's go ahead and break it down. We start off seeing a man walk from a taxi up to the front door of his girlfriend's house. The girlfriend looks through the window and looks excited to see her lover again after an extended period of separation. She opens the door and the man opens with the suave line, "I must have the wrong house". Hilarious. Then comes the shocker. The girl smiles, points at herself, and says "Sister!"

Oops. Ok, honest mistake. So the... siblings hug and walk into the house. They have a totally natural conversation that isn't at all forced with gems such as "They waited up all night for you, you know", and "It's a long way from West Africa", and... well, actually, that's pretty much the extent of it. However, that quaint little back and forth between the two pretty much explained why sister was so excited to see brother. He then goes up to his parent's bedroom because he hasn't seen them in such a long time!

Oh wait, no he didn't. Apparently, the sight of a container of Folgers coffee conveniently turned so the label faces the camera completely overrules family. But that's ok, because it seems that the smell of Folgers coffee has woken his mother up, who immediately exclaims, "He's here!". I guess she knows the fact that her son loves Folgers coffee more than her and has just accepted her role as second best. We then see brother give sister a nicely wrapped gift from "far away". Then something happens. There's a look. But not just any look... A look.

What is happening here?? Come on. That is NOT a look siblings not from the deep south give each other. It almost seems like the commercial was finished without the "Sister!" retort at the front door, then re-shot, just so the audience would know for a fact, that this is a legitimate family. After the soul gazing, they start flirting like all siblings do. We are also treated to a nice little show of emotion when 'sister' sticks the bow on 'brother' and tells him that he's her present this year. Screw the exotic present. Soon after, Mom and Dad walk in.

See Dad there? Yeah, that's all you get to see of him. He doesn't even get to be in frame for the hugs in the kitchen. Really Folgers coffee?? The whole concept of this commercial, cloudy as it may be, is family. At least that's what is should be...

Happy Holidays from Folgers. The company that wants you to remember, love your family.

Verizon Wireless 4G LTE

Let's start this blog off with the commercial that inspired me to start ranting. Behold, the 4G technology from Verizon.

Ok, so we first are treated with a nice peaceful dirt road, ruined by heaving stepping. It's a young man, running like his jeans could explode any second. He finally manages to reach the end of the road, which we find out later is possibly several miles long, and reaches his mailbox. He takes a look inside, and find what he's looking for. A cardboard box.

He quickly grabs the box, looks it over, and decides, "Hey, I'm going to run through a field". Which makes sense, seeing as how he thinks wearing what looks like bowling shoes from the 1950's is something people still wear. Why didn't he just take the dirt road back?

He then proceeds to jump over a small fence into the field he was just running in. Great job there, editing department.

He finally makes it to the barn from running to the mailbox which is what we can only assume, twenty miles away, because it's now dark. But you have to wonder, if you knew it would take that long to run there and back, why not take the dirtbike that's right there?

As he goes inside, he puts down the box and opens it up to reveal a nicely stained wooden box with the Verizon logo on it, and what does it contain? LIGHTNING!!!!

So Thor Jr. decides to go ahead and pick up the bolt of electricity, because, hey, that's what i would do. After he clutches the Verizon thunder, he walks out of the barn with a skip in his step like he's about to do something epic. Stop for a moment and think to yourself, what would you do if you could harness the power of lightning in your hands? If you said "Become a super-villain", then you are thinking like a normal human being. But what does Hillbilly Thunder-Maker do? He throws it away.

Yeah, that seem logical right?


So there it is. The first entry to "That Commercial was Stupid". Be sure to check back often to see if i've updated it. The more stupid commercials i see, the more entries i'll post on here.